Gokujou Seitokai Episode 1

Tenth Victim: Fushigi Boshi no Futago Hime Episode 1: Super Smile*Twin Princesses

Quick Summary: Twin loli princesses who have magic powers. They save the day while helping princesses from other countries. For ages 8 and under. Ronin surrenders.

My take: The opening song is pretty hyper. I sort of like it b/c it's so upbeat. The animation looks a bit cheap. The CG is really cheap. The main characters are like these twins. And they're princesses, the red one is Faine and the blue one Raine. I think. Maybe Fine and Line. Japanese saying non-japanese names never make sense. EVER. See Gundam Seed for examples. Anyway, they look about old enough for Ronin to declare open season. I can't understand why the hell AndrewLB thinks this shit is "the win". I guess having the mental age of an 11 year old script kiddie helps. Fuck, this shit shouldn't even be called anime. This is like the shit you make pre-schoolers watch to keep them shut up. I remember years ago in junior high, my french teacher showed us these french educational cartoons. It had a talking pineapple and like the humans in the show said "Ce n'est pas possible! L'anana ne parle pas!" What the hell does that have to do with Futago Hime you ask? Because that was more entertaining than this. Hell the talking french pineapple would make a better anime than this. This is like My Little Pony, without the ponies. The sad shit about this is you KNOW there are some sick fucks out there drawing hentai doujinshi for this RIGHT now. And grown men with names like Arkadie with full size pillows of each princess. And scary fat 300lb yaoi fan-fic writting females who are stitching futago hime costumes as we speak, so they can rob us of our vision on fansview.com. Side note, I've come to realize fansview is the new goatse.cx. I think Andrew watches this shit to prepare himself when HE cosplay AS Princess Grace.

Anyway the two princess are brats and there's some kind of princess party with princesses from other countries and shit that they're going to. And here's another princess. She's got cat or fox ears or some shit. God she's going to be Ronin's dinner tonight. OOOO! Plot! Oh NOEZ! The shinning of their star iz done failing :((. If they don't fix it, everyone in every country will die!!!1! CALL CAPTAIN PLANET!!!1! Crap he got canceled, something about molesting trees as setting a bad example for children... Fuck, I guess it's up to the annoying lolis to save the day with something stupid, no doubt like a tea party or something. Maybe a U.N. summit. Guess not, they just got some retarded medalions that are only there to sell goods to little japanese school girls. Great, just what we need, more toys Drago and Kanna can use these as loli bait =/. Oh my, they just introduced a harem prince. He wants to "share" himself with all the princesses. God, the japanese have to include harem EVEN IN A KIDS SHOW. Drago is SO jealous over Prince Bright, the loli princess harem keeper. At least the transformation sequences don't have nudity. The ending song is lame. I'm glad this shit is finally over. I think from the preview, this shit will go on forever, or until they run out of gimmic items to sell to japanese school girls.

Verdict: I'd really like to say this is the worst show this season, but nothing can beat Glass Mask. This gets a 4. I'd give it lower, but then I'd have to edit the score of Glass Mask to a 2.

Ninth Victim: MÄR - Marheaven Episode 1: Open! The Door to the Strange World!!

Quick Summary: Yet another forgettable shounen fighting show, but with really bad CG.

Note: This review has more spoilers than the other reviews, because I decided to try something different.

My take: The opening song is awesome, only because it is Garnet Crow and I'm a fan. They're one of the few jpop bands with any sort of musical talent, and I like the singer's voice. Too bad that's about all that's good about this show. The hero is a loser 2nd year Jr High student named Ginta who has fantasies/dreams that he saves damsels in distress from fantastic beasts in a world called Maruhebun or Marchen or something. In reality he's just a brat loser. He has a classmate he's got the hots for and a mom who's a bijin, etc, etc. Anyway blah blah of course the girl he has the hots for believes in his lame dreams and shit. Who are we kidding, they're japanese junior high kids, amongst the horniest little buggers in existence. She doesn't give a shit about his stories, she just wants to bang him. OK maybe not, the would be hentai scene was just interupted by a bad cg monster. Who just roled a cg dice. Ok whatever now he's going to open the door to the other world or something shit, and like only he can go. ZOMG SUPER BAD CG! The DOOR OPENS! Like in FMA. Bayoab must be all over this shit. FMA + fighting? They might as well rename this show to BÄY. Ok now this freak is running around like he's a video game character. God this is seriously terrible. It's like a really bad RPG. Kita kita! Fanservice Witch Dorothy! She's actually kinda cool. Ah Here it comes! The gimic! Apparently like the equivalent of yugioh cards and pokeballs are like these amulet rings or some shit. This shit is SO going to be on FOXKids this fall. Except Dorothy's breats will be repalced by exclamation points. So now he's going to defeat some like unbelieveable beast shit in the first episode, cuz like that's what happens in bad shounen fighting show first episodes. Holy shit super-size mecha Alphonese from FMA with orange body armor and bad cg just appeared. Yup this is pokemon, the witch just summoed Lion-Pokemon to beat on mecha-alphonse. I forgot to mention the transmutation circle that looks like it's the Laughing Man Logo from GiTS:SAC. God this shit is worse than gashbell. Ginta just picked up some crappy hammer and chain with moustache that belongs in gash. He talks and shit. I guess his name is Babbo. This is where the first ep ends. The ending song reminds me of an old song from Detective Conan. Oh i guess because it's sung by Komatsu Miho or something. I kinda like it. The next up looks funny actually.

Verdict: Bay and Drago totally trashed this show and I was expecting it to be utter shit. It's actually not bad as far as shounen fighting goes. It's MUCH MUCH better than Erementar Gerad, even if the CG is asshat. Solid 5 material. I think it would have scored a 4 if I didn't like the character design for the witch. >.> Anyway the genre/story is not my cup of tea, but if you're like 8, or the parent of a 8 year old, this shit is gold. You can mix this in with pokemon, yugioh, and digimon and never need to speak to your 8 year old again or hire a baby sitter.

Note 2: I realized doing an actual review like this fucking sucks. This review is bordering Glass Mask levels of boredom. Fuck it, I'm going back to insulting people in the next review.

Eighth Victim: Ichigo 100% Episode 1: The Illusionary Strawberry Panties.

Quick Summary: Harem-service anime about loser who has strawberry panty fetish. Whose panties will be the strawberry ones!?

My take: You know what this show is all about when pantsu appears in the first episode title. Actually I guess it's actually 2 1/2 episodes that are continuous. The second one is called "A Missunderstanding or a Wrong Guess?" or something. Whatever. So this show is based on a very popular shounen pantsu manga. What I don't understand is how they made a 150 chapter-ish and counting length manga, where the the central premise is panties with strawberry prints. Anyway the op is pretty catchy. The main character is an annoying pervert. Gee who would have figured that with panties as the plot. And really who argues who is more perverted on the jr. high stair case? And really who loudly boasts in the hall way that all they wanted was to just see the strawberry panties again? Apparently horny-ass japanese manga heros, that's who. And what self-respecting girl wears strawberry panties? Strawberry panties are NOT the new black. Mikedude says so, and since he's gay, or at least bi-curious, he'd know. Anyway, apparently at this school, like everyone wears them. You can't have a 100% ichigo harem without them!!1! This show should really be called "Ichigo 100 pantsu." I'm half expecting even the teachers to wear ichigo pantsu. I kinda got the feeling the anime was poorly executed and the manga is better. The "chu chu-a fu fu chu chu-a" mood bgm sfx is especially lame. The ending song is like a para-para song, it's kinda catchy.

I dunno, as much as I want to trash it, once I tried to let myself enjoy it, it was quite funny. Though being harem-genre, it can only reach the "better than anything key or leaf puts out" status. Not like that's very hard though. I mean key-leaf (or 'hakagi' as true loser fanboys call it) is bottom-of-the-bucket can't-get-more-boring-than-this material. Zalas, and the half of animesuki that aren't narutards are desperately trying to find my physical address to form a lynch mob as we speak for defiling the holy h-game duo. Anyway, so even if we crown Ichigo 100% king of harem, it's still pretty fucking pathetic. Well at least it's funny, though I can see the jokes getting stale soon. It sorted of reminded me of I''s. Except I''s is better.

Verdict: I think I would have enjoyed it a lot more if there wasn't 1. a harem; and 2. pantsu service. It gets a 5 for trying to over come harem with comedy. Not on my "to watch list," but on my "if I ever get snowed in and need to read 10000 volumes of manga, I might read it" list. Considering I live in California and I shiver when it's bellow 50F, you can figure out the likelihood of that out yourself.

Seventh Victim: Emma Episode 1: A Gift.

Quick Summary: Victorian era period romance drama with a maid who is an ice princess.

My take: The opening song is a pretty nice piano piece I thought, fitting for a story from this era I guess. It's apparently set in Victorian London, and the main character is a maid for well to do old bag. And everyone wants to bang her. Well in the show anyway, since Drago said she's too old for him. Anyway, I was expecting to be bored to death, and was rather surprised. There was one funny bit in the beginning, but I thought it went downhill rather quickly, at one point approaching levels of boredom unseen since Kanon, or at least Glass Mask. The music (op&ed included) was actually quite nice as well, and I'm not really a BGM fan. The art is really good as well. So anyway, I'm guessing the whole plot of this show is that the ice princess learns to slut it up with the rich son of a lord. You don't learn a lot from the first episode, and I don't have a burning desire to find out more, so that's my best guess...

So why this was made into an anime is beyond me. Anime is supposed to entertain, not be used for sleep therapy. If this had been written by Oscar Wilde, it might have been fantastic. But it was written by the Japanese, and the Japanese have no business writing a piece about Victorian England. That being said, if you like light hearted romance, you might like this. Though, it's not quite as boring as Piano, and there are no asian lolis, so I'm not even sure there'll even be a following amongst the crucial "computer geeks from Georgia Tech with yellow fever" segment. Enron might love this, since Emma wears glasses. The son of the rich lord has a meganekon, like Enron, and even offers to buy Emma glasses.

Verdict: Apply the "If there's no violence and Drago likes it, it sucks" rule here. Actually it wasn't that painful, I just wanted to insult Drago. And I was unfair in the my take portion. Upon reflection, I want to give it some respect for not being the same old formula done over and over. I give it a solid 6, because it's less boring than Glass Mask, and might even be watchable if romantic period pieces are your thing. In fact, out of all the shows I've reviewed so far, this one had the most promise other than Speedgrapher, which goes to show you how bad the anime from this season has been.

Sixth Victim: He is My Master Episode 1: He is My Master!?

Quick Summary: Gothic lolipantsu maid sisters live with a loser rich kid. Pantsularity ensues.

My take: Why is every freaking person blushing?! Anyway the art is kinda cute in a lolipantsu kind of way. It actually looks fairly high budget. The exact opposite of Erementar Gerad. The opening song is not too bad I guess. Not including the op, it took them a whole 4 minutes and 45 seconds to have the first bra and panty shot. I'm kind of surprised. Though the tanuki was actually pretty funny. And I have to say, there's some serious definition to the pantsu, it's not your run of the mill panty shot either. Great, they just revealed the oldest one is 14. What the hell is wrong with you Japan!? 13 and 14 year old live-in lolipantsu maids T_T. And 14 year olds don't have double Ds. I give them points for good use of plants to cover nudity. You nipple freaks will be disappointed, apparently 14 year old maids with double Ds don't have them. And WTF, there's a big "cute" alligator randomly. And apparently it likes lolipantsu as much as Kanna. OK it might like lolipantsu more than Kanna. Anyway this show doesn't seem like it has much of a plot really other than lolipantsu. And the ending song is a throw away jpop song.

This show will have a huge number of retarded harem school girl lolipantsu fans. This is the kind of show that has more doujin than should legally exist. This is the kind of show Chris Beveridge would give an A in content for. Imagine if it was licensed by ADV, CBev couldn't find a rating high enough. A+ wouldn't cut it for him. What's surprising is that Kanna says he's not interested because the 13 year old, Mitsuki, doesn't get enough screen time. Go figure.

Verdict: It's really bad. The plot is super generic, the jokes are pretty generic as well. The art is the only good thing about this show, but it's STILL more watchable than Glass Mask. Which makes me think that giving Glass Mask a 4 was too generous. Oh I guess I like the alligator Bochi(?) and the voice acting is OK I guess. Anyway I'll give this a 4 as well and won't watch anymore, unless I suffer some kind of stroke and turn into a sicko pseudo-pedophile lolipantsu lover.